Well, for one thing, when this game is approved, Fergus is going to have to add another slot in the Alphabetical Index for Hn. ;) (I had a corresponding issue with Zwangkrieg.)
There are a few things to clarify, though:
The text mentions the additional Rook, Bishops, and Knights, but doesn't quite agree with the earlier section that these pieces are optional, or that they're specifically put to the player's left. (If you're still trying to decide whether to use these pieces, I'd vote no.)
The Berolina and Chinese "Pawns" are basically Stewards, aren't they? I'd suggest replacing the Berolina Pawns with Stewards, at least, so the name matches up with the move; perhaps the Chinese Pawns could be replaced with Anti-Pawns (which move just like orthodox Pawns, but backwards; I think others call it the Reverse Pawn).
If you go with the Stewards, you could also put some Guardians (basically, Berolina Stewards) in with them for variety.
About promotions:
Do the orthodox Pawns not promote?
Where do the Berolina Pawns/Stewards promote?
If you change the Chinese Pawns to Anti-Pawns, they too might promote somewhere.
You say, "The Kings can be in check but checkmating them will lose the game." Does this mean that a King in check doesn't have to move out of check -- or that the King can even move into check deliberately? If so, can a King be captured? And I presume that checkmating a King loses the game for the King's player, not the checkmating player.
I'd suggest simplifying this: the Kings cannot be captured, but also cannot move into check.
Well, for one thing, when this game is approved, Fergus is going to have to add another slot in the Alphabetical Index for Hn. ;) (I had a corresponding issue with Zwangkrieg.)
There are a few things to clarify, though: