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SPQR. The perfect battle formation of Roman infantry. (12x12, Cells: 144) [All Comments] [Add Comment or Rating]
A. M. DeWitt wrote on Sat, Feb 3 02:55 PM UTC in reply to Florin Lupusoru from Fri Feb 2 08:06 PM:

So close... However, a few things are worth mentioning. (Also, take notes for your other submission, Black Swan)

I. Kings and Dictators

Modest note:

"Crossing back into own territory will not make a King lose its "dictatorial powers"."

"Once a King becomes a Dictator it will remain a Dictator till the end of the game."

These sentences can be merged into one because they carry one sense.

Though so many paragraphs is not normal in my honest opinion, a blocks for each rule can be very useful for better finding the corresponding rule in the text, which is much more useful than correct visual looking.

Lev makes some good points here.

In particular, you could (and probably should) omit two sentences about Kings and Dictators and simply say that a King immediately promotes to Dictator when it crosses into enemy territory.

However, in doing so, you would need to make a separate image for the Dictator and ideally show it in the Pieces section, since it does not appear in the initial setup. Fortunately, the Musketeer Chess Board Painter (which you probably used when making the board image) lets you save the images in its image list. Simply save an appropriate-looking image and upload it to the page's directory, and you should be good.

It may also be helpful to mention that the second Dictator step cannot jump (per I understanding), to avoid confusion from Chu Shogi players, who may think the Dictator is equal to a royal Lion.

II. Paragraph Structure

This issue is way more prominent in Black Swan. It is okay to run sentences together sometimes. The point of a paragraph visually is to divide the text up so it doesn't look like one giant mass of text, making the text easier to read.

In this submission, this isn't a problem.

Redundant Sentences (My own observations)

One of the guidelines for approval is "Write clearly and briefly, so that you are quickly understood." Part of this is avoiding redundant sentences, especially if you could say the same thing by tweaking another sentence.

1. The same is true for the corresponding enemy Pawns.

2. The four Pawns on the third rank can still get a double move if they land on the fourth rank, the starting position of the 12 Pawns. 

The first sentence (1) is redundant, because it is generally understood that the rule applies to each player. To fix this you can replace the second sentence (2) in the Rules section the following:

"Pawns can still make a double move if they land on the starting square of another friendly Pawn."

This is simpler and doesn't depend on the rank number.

The King can also be called Emperor, without changing anything about the rules.

This sentence is unneccessary, and in fact counterproductive. In general, it is best to give pieces one distinct name and only refer to them by that name. However, in keeping with Roman terminology, you could call the King a Consul. (I am a bit of a history nerd, and recently watched Oversimplified's Punic Wars videos. Once this game is approved, I think I might favorite it.)